Overcoming Inertia

"So many fail because they don't get started - they don't go. They don't overcome inertia. They don't begin.” ~ W. Clement Stone

I saw this quote on Twitter (i think) the other day as I was pondering the state of my life and really felt like it was a sign from God or something about my stagnation. As of today it has been 8 weeks since I interviewed for my dream job with the US Army. They're starting this year an Internship for unlicensed social workers and counselors to get the hours needed for supervision as well as the coursework and supervision needed for a substance abuse certification. Its an amazing opportunity and one that I am so grateful to even have been interviewed for as I know that its incredibly competitive. We've been told (through a Facebook page set up by the recruiters) that they will be selecting up to 40 people for 17 different duty locations. However, despite being told it would be a 1-2 week process at my interview (on July 19th) It has now been 8 weeks. With no progress and no sign of progress. One update on the facebook page said that the target start date was October. But then again the target start date in the recruitment email was July and clearly its September and that has not happened.

The interview was one of the stranger ones that I have done. None of the questions were about my qualifications, my resume, my experiences or even social work task based like some of my other interviews. They were all opinion based and in fact there were only 4 questions. The questions were things like how did i feel about working in a military environment, what i thought would be different in military practice then civilian practice, what I thought was the most dangerous drug etc. It was hard to tell how I didn't because I didn't know what they were looking for. If they thought the most dangerous drug is meth and I said alcohol did that knock me out? Who knows! My old boss figures that they know that we're new social workers and they can teach us the substance abuse certification things but they can't teach us to be smart or good thinkers or intuitive so they're looking for more of those things then actual skill based interviewing.

Anyway, in the process of waiting for word on this position I have felt like my life is on hold. My volunteer opportunity which has been the focus of much of my spare time for the last 4 years came to an end as the military hospitals in the DC area transition due to BRAC. I have felt a bit at a loss. This army job could take me to Washington, Georgia, Texas, South Carolina, or keep me here right in DC. I have hesitated to date, make new friends, join clubs etc because I know that at any moment I could be yanked away and loose time or money. In other words I haven't been able to overcome inertia.

But I'm sick of waiting. I am giving the Army until the end of the month to notify me. That will be 10 weeks from interviewing. I know that federal hiring is slow. But 10 weeks is (more) enough. If I don't hear from them by the end of the month I am going to take off on a cross country road trip ending at my friends in Steliacoom, WA where I will continue my job hunt from somewhere new. I haven't been happy in DC for a long time and I don't see that changing. A change of scenery where I can be close to friends from college, my good friend Soldier Boy who just PCS'd there and a different job market seems like a better opportunity then staying here.

I have had 2 interviews for a good job here in DC that would provide the experience I need to get my license however to make this job worthwhile (if offered) I would need to stay for 4.5 years (2 years to get my supervision, 2 years to repay them for paying for the supervision and the 6 month probationary period). The idea of staying in DC for 4.5 more years makes me feel like vomiting. This is when I knew I needed to over come inertia and make my move.

No more putting it off. No more waiting. No more wishing. No more waiting for inertia. Time to push up over the hill. October 6th I hit the road.

Now who has road trip tips?

10 day You Challenge: 6 places

The challenge wasn't too specific about what these 6 places were supposed to be. So I think I'm going to with the 6 favorite places I've visited/lived.

+Cloudland, GA--I spent every summer from 10-18 living and working at Camp Juliette Low in Cloudland, GA. Its one of those places thats very much blink and you'll miss it. But it holds some of the best memories of my life and its the place where I met some of the best people who have blessed my life.

+Huntingdon, PA-This is where I went to college. Another small town. But also where I built some of the best memories and met a lot of fantastic people. Its one of the only places where no matter where I go in town or how long I've been away I always see people that I know.

+Steliacoom, WA-A friend of mine from college lives in this small town (sensing a theme) outside of Tacoma, WA and near Ft. Lewis. From her house you can see both the Puget Sound and Mt. Rainier. Its only 45 minutes from Seattle so you can still get a taste of city life when you need it. The town itself isn't much to speak of but is completely gorgeous. This is where I hope to move when I move to WA.

+Edinburgh, Scotland-I only spent 36 hours here but I completely fell in love. The history, the mix of old and new, the fact that you're no more than an hour from city, sea and mountains. The kilts and accents don't hurt either!

+Rehoboth Beach, DE--we spend a week here every summer. I love the beach and the boardwalk and ice cream and its just a place of complete calm.

+San Francisco, CA My Aunt and Uncle and grandparents on my dad's side live in the Bay area so I've visited a handful of times over the years and once in college for a conference. I love the city on the water idea (mostly I just love the water) and the diversity.

10 Day You Challenge: 7 wants

Oh hey 2nd post in one day. Sorry about that! I'll be back to my regular once a day tomorrow but now I'm all caught up! Also, I am sort of sad how quickly I came up with these. I need to work on being more satisfied with what I've got that's for sure!

+A Job. Preferably doing social work with veterans or active duty servicemembers. My dream job would be working with severely wounded servicemembers and their families as a recovery care coordinator.

+For the Army to make a decision. I have been pending for almost 2 months on a dream job doing substance abuse work with Active Duty servicemembers. I have felt paralyzed waiting on this decision.

+A Boyfriend. For the companionship and the um...fringe benefits.

+A good group of friends who live close by. I have lots of friends from high school, college, camp etc but for the most part they're all scattered across the US. I don't have a lot of close friends here in DC. I have a few people I talk to and hang out with regularly-ish but they're more the happy hour once a month friends then the drop everything if your car gets a flat friends. Those are the kind of friends I'm desperate for.

+A New Car. My currently car is still in fantastic shape so this is truely a want rather a need but its 11 years old and looks like its been through ramallah due to an unfortunate run in with a hail storm about a year ago. I'd really like to get a small SUV (like a RAV-4 or something)

+A new stomach. Things have been going pretty well these days but it would still be fantastic to wake up every day knowing that no matter what I ate as long as it wasn't rotten I would feel okay.

+A fancy set of kitchen knifes. I love to cook and my parents have a great set of cutco knives that I love using when home. Where as I am using old hand me downs from my grandfather's apartment and ones I bought in college at the Wal-Mart. I'd love a great fancy set of knives.

10 Day Challenge: 8 Fears

Sorry I really meant to get this posted yesterday but here in the DC area we're getting a bit of a monsoon and getting home was a disaster. Because of this you're going to get a double post today!

+ Vomit-my number one MAJOR fear. Like panic attack fear. Its actually a legitimate phobia known as emetephobia. I am significantly better than most people with the disease. I mostly just get panic if someone tells me they feel ill or if I feel ill. This makes it SUPER fun to have a disease that causes you to be nauseous constantly. I also don't feel very at ease around SUPER drunk people due to their proclivity to vomit.

+Bees/Wasp/Hornets/Things that sting. I react fairly poorly to regular bug bites but stinging insects are even worse. I don't need an epi pin or anything but they get red and huge and welty and not fun. I have been known to run away screaming and flailing.

+Never finding "the one". I sometimes fear that I am never going to meet someone who makes my heart flutter, my pupils dialate and my stomach all a twitter. But I also fear that I am not going to find the person who does all that AND wants to be with me. I've dated a lot of losers so I'm sort of loosing hope there is a winner.

+Finding "the one" too late for my dad to walk me down the isle. My ideal plan would be for both my parents to walk me down the isle as thats a Jewish tradition but also because my Mom is so important to me but Dad isn't the worlds most healthy eater so I fear that at some point his Type 2 diabetes or other health issues will cause him to not make it to my wedding.

+Breast Cancer. My grandmothers both died from Breast Cancer (one just after age 40), my mom and maternal aunt are survivors as well as some cousins. I've already had one scare and will have to be checked closely as I age. My boobs and I are on tenous terms. If they don't watch it they're going to meet an untimely demise.

+Squishy Lake Mud. On a less serious note. I am really really squicked out by the squishy lake mud with like reeds and stuff in it that you have to walk through in order to wade into a lake. Honestly I prefer to not walk through a lake if I can help it and rather just jump off a dock.

+Revolving doors. This is an completely irrational fear but I cannot go through a revolving door if there are other people going through. I end up standing outside one like an idiot waiting for a break in the "traffic" so I can go through solo. Or I just use the door.

+Not Making a difference. My soul purpose in life is to make a difference in the lives of others. Sometimes I fear what I'm doing isn't/won't be enough and I'm not making enough of an impact.

10 Day You Challenge: 9 Loves

+Hot chocolate. I love hot chocolate in all forms and from most places. I adore it with Hazelnut syrup (tastes like Nuetella) or with Peppermint Syrup (melted thin mints!) 

+Flip Flops. Specifically, the reefs pictured below

+ Fire Trucks and ambulances. I worked and volunteered in college as an EMT and sirens still get me excited. Which is an interesting departure from earlier days when the noises were too loud and I would hide.

+Peace Signs. I have peace sign purse, shirts, jewelry etc. I like it both for its history and for pure aesthetic sense.  

+The Military.  This should come as no great surprise considering my career goals. But it has to be said of course

+Music. Folk, Bluegrass, Rock, Blues, Pop, Dance Hall. I pretty much love it all. A day is not complete with a little music. Today I forgot my headphones in the car (must remember to get a pair just for work) and it made me sad because I couldn't rock out to Pandora today while doing data entry.

+Books/Reading. Reading has been my escape for as long as I can remember. I love book stores and I always have a book in my purse. Though with the kindle now I have 15-20 books in my purse at any given time. It is FANTASTIC.

+ Sweatpants. I can get dolled up like the best of them but if we're really being honest with ourselves I would love a job where I could wear big giant sweatpants all day. I tend to buy them a couple of sizes too big so that they feel like big hugs.

(hey look military a sweatpants! 2 in one)

10 Day You Challenge: 10 Secrets

In an attempt to blog more regularly and personally I am going to attempt this 10 day challenge. I have also been given more hours at my temp job and no additional work so it will give me something to do in the excessive amounts of down time.

+ Sometimes I forget to shower for more days in a row then I would like to admit. Like its gotten to the point where I have forgotten the last time I showered. I never smell and its never when I've been sweaty or dirty or anything but on an average temperate week I might only shower twice. 

+ I joke around with my mother about my future children. Talk about how I want to have girls so I can send them to the camp I went to growing up. But honestly, I am not even sure I want children. I am afraid I am too selfish to give up part of my life and my heart to a little person who could break my heart into a million pieces. Or keep me from traveling on a whim. 

+ Despite the fact that I've lost 30 pounds over the last year due to being sick and that I eat very low fat and very little food in general. I still think that people judge my food choices at restaurants because I am still slightly overweight.

+ I love excel. I know this makes me incredibly nerdy. But I really enjoy manipulating data and organizing it. 

+ Along the same lines, I have tracked every book I've read--title, author and page numbers and now month finished--since I graduated from college in an excel spreadsheet. This is partially just to track it for my own knowledge (and prevent from reread) and partially to challenge myself. But its also been really interesting to see where my interests have shifted over the last 4 years. I have read well over 200 books not including required reading for school.

+ In 3rd grade, faked a stomach ache to get out of a spelling test. Its the only time I have faked sick in my entire life. I'm a terrible speller but I don't remember what about that particular spelling test had me so freaked out.

+I have never seen a single Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, or Indiana Jones movie. I don't really regret this fact.

+  I got dumped a week into college (by a Marine that I met at a night club about a month before) and am pretty sure that is the major reason I failed organic chemistry and had to drop premed. Sometimes I wonder if I would have been a doctor if I had not met him. (Honestly, unlikely as I had not taken chem in high school and Ochem was WAY over my head)

+ I have insane road rage. Like sometimes I wish people dead or wish that I could go all Towanda on their asses in parking lots. 

+ Sometimes I think God made me fat because he knew that I would dress incredibly provocatively if I had a better body! 

I'm terrible at blogging

So....its been awhile. I would like to say its because I have been doing amazing and glamorous things. But really its more of the fact that I have been whiney and mopey and otherwise unpleasant to be around and I haven't felt like subjecting the internet world to it.

I will say that my despite my last worry wort post my gallbladder surgery went pretty well all things considered. The recovery was very quick and I never needed anything stronger then Tylenol. It mostly felt like I'd done a sadistic number of crunches. It was slow going walking wise and tough to sit up and lay down for about a week but all an all things weren't bad. The surgery was on Wednesday and my birthday was Saturday and despite the  lack of birthday cake I was able to get out of the house and go to a movie (and watch my friend eat a burrito because dinner was not going to happen).

As for the eating/gastroparesis nonsense, it took about a month and then it felt like a switch got flipped. For the most part about 3/4 of the month I feel pretty good. I haven't vastly expanded my diet (mostly because I am afraid of food still after 8 months of hell) but considering prior to getting my GB out I was in pain and nauseous from broth and plain pasta. During my cycle things are decidedly not good but I'm working on fixing that. I was even able to go to the beach for a week in early August and eat out every night (including sneaking some french fries) without implications. Its been pretty nice. I certainly feel like I hate my life a little less dietary wise. Though I will say in this stressful time of un/underemployment I really miss being able to drink. And regularly eat french fries in large quantities.

On the employment front, I have been interviewed for my dream job with the Army. This will get an entry of its own because its so supremely WTF that I want to go into detail. I have also had 9 more interviews and 3 more job offers that I have turned down for one reason or another. I know that I should be incredibly grateful that I have been offered positions and the number of interviews that I have. They just all happened to not be the right job. 2 of them for Veterans service organizations would have been great jobs but the pay was not adequate for the time put into the position and my experience nor would they have gotten me any closer to my career goal. The 3rd offer was for a county position helping families apply for food stamps, wic, medicare etc which again would be a great job but is not eligible for social work supervision because all those programs are eligibility based and therefore needs assessments don't require social work.

I have a 2nd round interview for a job working with persistently mentally ill adults. It was one of the more intense interviews I've gone on That would provide and qualify for supervision and seems to encourage it. The downside being I can't begin to get supervision until I pass the 6 month probationary period and for every month of supervision they pay for you commit to the same number of months. So I would end up with the organization (and therefore DC) for nearly 5 years. Which isn't what I'm shooting for. We shall see I still have one more interview and subsequent background checks and whatnot.

Mostly my life continues to be on pause waiting for the Army job (see next entry). In the mean time one of my former volunteers who runs his own business has taken pity on me and has hired me as a temp. I hate every minute of being a masters educated glorified intern/receptionist. But its money and an excuse to wear grown up clothes 3 days a week.

Anywhere, that's where I'm at. I would hope that I'm not as silent moving forward but I cant make any promises! I am a terrible blogger!